Beauty is in the eyelash of the beholden

Latisse - beauty is in the eye of the beholden.

Since being in the US I have discovered a potential new insecurity to add to my collection: the prospect of thinning eyelashes.

Latisse®, brought to you by the makers of Botox®, is a drug designed to cure a problem that I never knew was an actual thing. But thanks to the magic of television advertising, I have discovered that thinning eyelashes is indeed a real medical condition. It’s like, really scientific. It’s even got a name. It’s called eyelash hypotrichosis. According to the manufacturer’s official and complete explanation:

Eyelash hypotrichosis is another name for having inadequate or not enough eyelashes.

That sounds pretty scientific to me. Like “Crohn’s disease is another name for needing to go to the toilet all the time” or “cancer is another name for you might die”.

Learning about thinning eyelashes for the first time is an emotional journey. First, I experienced anxiety that one day I might not have enough eyelashes. This was then compounded by my further anxiety that until now I never knew that one day I might not have enough eyelashes. I decided to investigate further. It turns out that the manufacturer discovered this treatment by accident while performing tests for another drug, Lumigan®, which is usually used to treat glaucoma (an actual medical Medical Condition®, rather than a non-medical Medical Condition®). The manufacturer noticed that Lumigan® also happens to thicken eyelashes. Hooray! Lumigan® was renamed as Latisse® and a new body issue to haunt women forever was born.

Some critics claim that this drug is dangerous because it could cause permanent discolouration of the iris. That’s ok though. This is one of the few pharmaceutical drugs I’ve seen advertised in the US that doesn’t routinely list “suicidal thoughts” and “death” as possible side effects that “you should know about before deciding whether this treatment is for you”. So it’s practically foolproof.

How do pharmaceutical companies come up with these drug names anyway? My mother takes Lipitor® to help manage her cholesterol and the name has always creeped me out. (Is it just me, or does it sound like a villain from a children’s cartoon series? I am Lipitor, evil sorcerer of the dark side! MUAHAHAHA!) I would love to be a fly on the wall at the boardroom meetings where the marketing gurus come up with these hilarious, scientific-sounding brand names. When you think about it, the brands have nothing to do with medicine and are just designed to be evocative of the type of lifestyle or personal attributes the consumer wishes to attain by taking the drug. Consider a couple of examples. Latisse® for eyelash thickening? Kind of has the word ‘lash’ in it. Uses the suffix ‘-isse’ which denotes femininity. Sounds french and luxurious. Emphasis on the last syllable makes the word flowing and elongated. WOMANLY, FLOWING LASHES! Lumigan® for glaucoma? Kind of sounds like ‘luminous’ and ‘again’. I CAN SEE AGAIN! I am totally getting the hang of this.

Seeing as anyone can do this (come up with brand names, as well as commercialise new pharmaceutical drugs for public consumption), I thought I would share some of my ideas*:

  • Zytightol: used for the treatment of flipflopus inabilis, which is another name for when the gap between your toes is too wide.
  • Confi-Dent: used for the treatment of mundodental neurosis, which is another name for when you’re in public and you might have some food stuck between your teeth, and you know you actually don’t, but you just want to be really sure.
  • Supportex: used for the treatment of geriatric pendulumosis, which is another name for when old men’s testicles get a bit droopy.

* Patents pending.

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10 responses to “Beauty is in the eyelash of the beholden”

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  3. Lou says :

    Now I am going to do my breakfast, later than having my breakfast coming yet again to read more news.

  4. The EYE-BALL says :

    Ioved the photo attached to this post – stunning and captivating … all confirming that eyes are the equal of any seduction production women undertake …

    But I’m a guy and somewhat past the age where beauty alone interests me – I still admire beauty – don’t get me wrong – but as you age you know some things are just beyond your reach …

    Loved the lightness of your blogging … an Aussie making good in New York … how better can life be … the memories …

    But to be concerned with eyelash hypotrichosis seems to be another concern about vanity and aging that is so much wasted effort … enjoy the aging process and delight in the new challenges you face in dealing with it …

    keep it up … the blogging I mean …

    EYE-BALL …
    http://www.bleyzie.wordpress.com

  5. nellibell49 says :

    I just checked in the Mirror and I think I might already have “it”. The head has a lot of hair but the lashes don’t look so good. I am in Australia and in this remote land far away – I probably can’t get real help with it. I think I also have a geriatric something but the droop is too disturbing to talk about.
    I shall just take a look at our medical supply and see what we have. I know I saw a rhinoceros on a box the other day, I don’t do Pharmos much but the housemate LOVES them. Yep – the box says RHINOCORT. I don’t know what’s in the box and i ‘ m not looking.

  6. Kristin says :

    Welcome to America, where we believe in giving everyone a complex about something. How else would plastic surgeons feed their starving families 😉

  7. Miss Demure Restraint says :

    So what will be next? Our lashes have to be volumious and hair longer and thicker than humanly possible. We must be skinning as a rail, but have big tits and a bootylicious ass. Gotta have Angelina’s lips and absolutely NO laugh lines or crow’s feet. Fingernails must all be a uniform and length impossible to maintain without a layer or two of acrylic. Contact lenses will be necessary to make our irises bigger and eyes more “doll-like.” Please somebody shoot me!

    I believe you should offer your naming services to not only the pharmaceutical companies, but as well to the pseudo-drug companies (the Lipozene and Nytol people for example). I think you have a real future in that industry.

    Great post by the way.

  8. Sheeple Liberator says :

    Ha ha, I’m torn between wanting to delete your post because of the blatant advertising and applauding you for admitting that pharmaceutical companies are a tad ridiculous 🙂

  9. abusybella says :

    Love your post! As a pharmaceutical rep (who sells a product for Crohn’s Disease), I’ve always wondered how these companies come up with these names. Some are just down right ridiculous…like Aciphex (ass-effects) LOL. Anyway, if you are looking for a great over the counter product for thinning lashes, try Rapid Lash. You buy it any Bed, Bath and Beyond or at drugstore.com for about 30 bucks. It contains the same ingredients found in Latisse and works wonders. I’ve tried it myself with FANTASTIC results. OR …you can try good old Castor Oil…a much cheaper alternative. Just run it across your eyelashes…and you will have thicker and fuller lashes in no time. It works on sparse eyebrows, too! 🙂

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